Sunday, April 17, 2011


WARNING: this post will be long, personal, and boring.

so, today i moved into my first apartment.
yeah, until today i lived in the same house since i was about one.
{except when i went to m.n. for 5 months}

here's the story:

a couple years ago i had been looking at foreclosed fixer-upper houses to buy
{because i think apartments are a waste of money}
and it was an insanely exciting process
{even when i put in offers and another buyer ended up getting the house}
but through a not-so-fun string of events
{mostly a bunch of serious money-pit cars}
i didn't quite have the money for a down payment anymore.

a couple months ago it came time that i had to move out...
so, the apt. search began.
and to be quite honest, it was miserable - not exciting or fun like it should be.
so many tiny, dirty, stinky, expensive, and ugly apartments.
finally we {my cousin & i} found a two bedroom apt., the rent was reasonable,
and it was in a location that we could agree on. and we took it.

so here i am.
half unpacked.
eating a crappy dinner at 11:30 pm.
and thinking how much i miss the place i called home for 21 yrs.

i know it's so weird for someone of my age to not be so excited about living on their own.
and i'm sure a lot of that non-excitement stems from issues of losing my mom at 12 yrs old.
it's just so hard to leave the house where my mom & dad raised zac & me.
where i used to make crafts with mom.
and cuddle with blankets over the heater together.
where dad would braid my hair before school
and watch bobby's world with me until the bus came.

where we used to have "thursday manner night"
and sit on the porch swing to watch lighting storms across the field.
where dad would build us tree forts
and mom would rub my back until i would fall asleep.

where i used to sneak in zac's room to steal his toys
and then cry when he would sneak in my room and read my diary.
where i would sit at the top of stairs in the middle of the night
and yell until mom would wake up and come get me.
where i used to jump in my parents bed in the morning
and pretend i was a chicken.
where my dad would kiss my forehead every night before he went to bed
and would wake up and talk with me when i had a cry-fest in the middle of the night.
where i learned how to love
and how to walk with God.

but here i am in my new house.

so, this will be a lot of changes. and probably a lot of missing living with my dad,
and even those 3 little boys that i could hear running & screaming downstairs every morning.
but here we go... new chapter.
new bedroom to go sleep in... right now.

good night.


  1. good luck on your new chapter. leaving home is definitely bitter sweet! & don't worry home will always be there for you :)

  2. many blessings and warm wishes to you in this new step of your life!!

    btw you won my giveaway :)
    so if you can please email me your shipping info :D


  3. sorry to hear you're not excited about moving out..

    hope you're settling into the new apartment and it's shaping up not to be so bad after all...

    hope you find lots of time to go home and hang with your dad & your brothers :)

  4. Caitlin, you are so sweet.
    I'm glad you would share so much <3
    Here's to the big-stupid-didn't-want-it-to-be-like-this future!

    i love you girly